If you read my about me, you'd figure out that I'm....different.
I'm not very popular. I believe most tend to judge me due to the fact that I am approx. 135 pounds, 5' 6", and I am, well, very nerdy. Not Star Wars nerdy, but... geeky. There we go, geeky. A techie-type, and I have an IQ of, well, something over 130. Otherwise, I wouldn't be in SI. My parents, however, refuse to tell me the exact number.
None of that is a problem, however, I suppose I am who I am.
I tend not to speak. I (and this is not an exaggeration, it's pretty close) tend to say an equivalent of 5-10 sentences per day, at least, when I'm not with a friend. I've got about four or five good friends, while the others are acquaintances.
I believe I suffer from depression. I'm not sure. I'm pretty positive I have it, but the insurance only paid for two counseling visits...
However, I'm also one with a peculiar understanding for the human race...how things run, so to speak (how ironic).
You'll probably notice these statements may not be in any specific order... sorry 'bout that. I just tend to speak freely, and trust me, I've gotten in a ton of trouble for that.
I've got a pretty bad relationship with my family.
My brother, Will, drives me crazy, and I've got good reasons;
1) He never flushes the toilet, afraid it'll overflow. I get to see his crap regularly.
2) He screams like a girl. CONSTANTLY. As a very quiet kid, you can probably see what I'm saying.
3) He is incredibly violent and destructive. He hits and abuses me, yet when I hit back, my mother scolds me for it. He's also broken several things, expensive things, such as our backyard playset, where he and his friend, for fun, broke the ladder, which is now destroyed to the point of un-fixable, and he rode of with no charge.
4) He is an extreme 'mama's boy.' He's basically a suck up. Through doing this, she always ends up siding with him on arguments. Never me.
My mom. She honestly must hate me. She never treats me kindly, and is constantly yelling at me. When I yell back, I'm always going to end up in trouble. As previously mentioned, she favors my brother, and never listens to any logic, as if she is never wrong. I never talk to her. When she nags me to talk to her, and I do, I end up grounded. She also takes out all of her problems on me... verbally, not physically. I'll get hit with an onslaught of words, and standing up for myself gets me, you guessed it, grounded.
My dad. Well, my dad is... ok. He's usually kind to me, but he's slightly passive. My brother constantly is rude to him, and hits him, etc., but my dad never does anything, presumably afraid he will get in trouble with my mom. We can, however, joke about things, and talk about things, and I can say a lot more with him than I can with my mom. The problem with him, however, is...my mom. He's her 'yes man.' I'll explain my side of the story to him, and he will agree with my statements. Once I get to talking with my mom about it, though, my dad agrees with everything she says, and completely stabbing me in the back.
My dad. Well, my dad is... ok. He's usually kind to me, but he's slightly passive. My brother constantly is rude to him, and hits him, etc., but my dad never does anything, presumably afraid he will get in trouble with my mom. We can, however, joke about things, and talk about things, and I can say a lot more with him than I can with my mom. The problem with him, however, is...my mom. He's her 'yes man.' I'll explain my side of the story to him, and he will agree with my statements. Once I get to talking with my mom about it, though, my dad agrees with everything she says, and completely stabbing me in the back.
My only friend in the family is basically my dog. She's incredibly kind, and she's a shoulder to cry on (metaphorically of course, peer pressure has destroyed my tear ducts).
Speaking of peer pressure, there comes another problem....peer pressure. I don't know who I am anymore. While I know I'm geeky, something always feels...missing, from my life. I feel as if I cannot speak without being judged, however, I suppose this is just the middle school life... I can only hope high school will be less...painful.
On the subject of school...well, I used to be a straight A student. Now my grades usually range from F's to B's. What I believe to be OCD gives me the mindset of 'Why start, if the end result will be terrible? You'll probably fail if you start now, so don't start!' This leads to me not doing long term (and high point) assigments, slaughtering my grades. My parents verbally beat me for this, sending my self esteem to an all time low everytime.
New subject. Girls. I have 0 girl friends. Yeah. Zero. This...well, I don't know. Does it depress me? I just wish girls would talk to me, get to know me first. Then they could judge me. It's obvious all girls (and I've heard them say it behind my back) avoid me. This saddens me. I just want some girls to actually know me... Perhaps then I could have a girlfriend. Somebody to relate to...more than I could a friend.
For now, this is all I have to say. Yes, it was a lot, and my other posts will presumably be most shorter. The others will be my 'learnings of life,' how the human race... 'ticks.' Behind my quiet eyes is a story... knowledge, sadness, rage. With this blog, I will finally let it all out. If I ever finish this blog, perhaps I will publish it to all to read. Guys, girls, friends, enemies, parents, relatives...everybody. My grim past will be revealed, and perhaps they will finally get me. Then again, maybe not. Who knows...?
~Jake
PS: You may have noticed that, so far, there has been no swearing or anything of the like. This may not be the same on my other posts. It all depends on the mood, I suppose.
PPS: If you automatically went "tl;dr," (That's 'too long, didn't read), well, ok. Be like everybody I know and judge without knowing. Ok.
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